Muharram upon Muharram

all the fervour,
that mighty swell
of my glorious heart

sweet promises of 

remembrance

year after year 

Muharram upon 

Muharram

that I make, and make 

those I break, break 

and break

wherein does it lie
this so-called memory
of Aba Abdillah al-Husayn

in the adl, the justice 

that I do not mete?

or does it lie in
the envy that I have 

made forever mine

in my weeping, unabashed 

this self, obsessed
with itself

perchance is it in
the righteousness that 

is not mine to aim away

at those whose stories 

I do not know?

the nauseating
ways in which I yearn 

for this, and that

anger and jealousy 

fire and scalding heat 

His displeasure

or maybe in the truth
I have been exchanging 

for these ambiguities

hiding away behind 

intentions I am unable 

to clean up and conquer

am I striving enough, 

in fact, have I been 

striving at all?

imprudence, I fend
with blatant arguments
of the one, the only, intellect

how could I forget modesty, 

and desires that leave (oh) 

so many goose bumps

the akherah, my fancy 

pursuit that is at best 

a mere mediocre

as I fumble, fumble 

and stumble, 

stumble

quantifying day in,
and quantifying day out 

quantum worship?

and then in His 

infinite mercy, He 

reminds me of all else

the sweetness, of bitter 

bitter tears, a two-part mix 

of bitter bitter mourning

for the children
of Karbala, and also for 

my own, flailing self

the sacrifices that were made 

so that you and I could bask 

in freedom of religion

in true knowledge 

and wisdom of the 

Noble Qur’an

of the pure and 

immaculate 

Ahlulbayt

fall seven times 

stand up
eight

practice away,
and practice free, 

and most importantly

practice as 

it should 

be

Oh Zahra,
we will never 

forget Husayn. 

A version of this was first published for Wali ul Asr Learning Institute, in their fifth annual poetry competition.